Natulog ka ngunit kulang...

Selling Apple Iphones 32gb 3gs at a very low price!

2010-08-05T01:38:00.000-07:00

Php 30,000.00 negotiable!

* brand new from US
* for only 30k negotiable!
* white color
* sealed
* with Apple warranty

Apple iPhone 3G S, built-in 3 Megapixel Camera and digital compass, let you do everything on iPhone 3G S is up to 2x faster and more responsive than iPhone 3G. Shoot and edit a mini-masterpiece right on iPhone 3G S. Record high-quality video, trim it to the perfect length, and share it any way you want with 3G connection.

Package content
1 Apple iPhone 3G S Phone
1 Battery
1 Charger
1 Data Cable
1 Stereo Handsfree
1 User's Guide

All our iphones are Brand New, Factory Sealed in the Box, comes with complete accessories and comes with 1 year manufacturer’s warranty and guaranteed to work with all carriers .

Pm me or we can chat thru ym.

Yahoo Chat: tonibulatao@yahoo.com

I freaking love you

2009-05-31T06:42:00.000-07:00

Wow... a third blog entry about you, wait... isn't that some kind of freaky medical condition? Anyways, see how special you are to me? I'm writing yet another post that shows how completely, utterly, and truly in love I am with you...everyday is better than the last, and this is just the beginning.

Over the last few months, you and I have learned so much about one another... We share so many things in common, so many stories to tell...How could you help but think that there's a higher plan to us meeting? You understand me, and accepts me for who I am, flaws and all. You have made it easy for me to fall in love with you, to need you, and to accept you too, unconditionally. We never planned for this, it was all so unexpected, but I guess real love is like that. I'm right where I belong, in your arms, and I'm in yours.

You are my best friend, my confidant, my lover, and so much more... I can't picture my life without you now, and I don't want to...

Thank you for coming into my life baby... thank you for being everything that you are, and most of all, thank you for giving our love a chance to grow. I know that we can make it all work, together,side by side.

You are, without a doubt, my every dream come true, my every wish granted, and my every prayer answered. I love you baby, forever and ever, and a day...

on love and being inlove...

2009-05-16T18:10:00.001-07:00

INLOVE ka ba or LOVE mo sya? Akala ko dati pareho lang pero iba pala!

It's definitely different when you love someone and when you're inlove with someone. Alin nga ba ang mas malalim? Loving someone or Being in love with someone? Marami sa atin ang na-confuse tungkol dito.

Ikaw ba ay may girlfriend o boyfriend ngayon? Mahal mo ba siya pero parang may isang tao na parang mahalaga din sayo? O may mahal ka na akala mo eh mahal mo nga siya pero meron ka pa rin isang tao na minamahal ng totoo? Kapag love mo ang isang tao masaya ka...Feeling mo ok na ang lahat...

Pero ang ma-inlove ka, ang siyang pinakamasakit sa lahat! Kasi ang mga taong inlove ay ang mga taong ngsasakripisyo at nagpaparaya. Teka bakit ka nga ba nagpaparaya? Dahil ba hindi ka niya mahal o dahil hindi ka siguradong ok lang sa kanya? Kung yan ang dahilan mo, walang duda na inlove ka nga sa kanya. Kasi iniisip mo kung anong meron kayo sa ngayon ang tanging mahalaga at kuntento ka na.

Pero isipin mo, paano kung mawala ang taong yun at talagang hindi na kayo mag-usap at magkita, kaya mo ba? Paano naman kung sayo siya inlove at ibinigay niya ang lahat para sayo pero hindi mo napahalagahan ang lahat ng ito kaagad? Paano kung isang araw naguluhan na siya sayo ng husto at maisipang lumayo na lang? Paano kung sa sobrang pagiging iba mo sa kanya di ka na niya kausapin at tuldukan na niya ng tuluyan kung ano na ang meron kayo? Then bigla mong na realize kung gaano ka importante sayo ang bawat isa kaya lang wala na siya! Kaya mo ba? Kung hindi ang sagot mo, malinaw na inlove ka nga...

Paano naman pag mahal mo lang? Kapag mahal mo lang, alam mo na palagi kang may choice, ayaw mo siyang mawala dahil alam mong wala kang ipapalit. Yung masaya ka sa kanya pero sa gabi hindi naman siya ang iniisip mo. Mahal mo siya pero aminado ka sa sarili mo na balang araw hindi siya ang pakakasalan mo. Mahal mo siya pero ang puso mo hindi lang para sa kanya...Mahal mo at masasaktan ka pag nawala siya pero alam mo na kaya mo yun.

Now tell me what you feel... Do you love someone or you're inlove with someone?

Ako? I am inlove! Deeply inlove with someone ...bakit ko nasabi?

well, because of him, I smile without reason...
I miss him... I worry... I compromise...
I wanna look good kahit di nya ako nakikita...
I feel special and secure
I feel connected and protected
I have this glowing aura
I long to be with him
I love the sound of his voice esp when he whispers
I daydream about him off and on, replaying pieces of our conversation
Hearing him breathe is ok na
His out of tune voice is music to my ears
He makes me look forward to mornings

I can enumerate a lot of things and still not enough to express how much I feel for him. I love him unconditionally, not expecting anything in return...just enjoying what we have now.

He accepts me as I am, loves me with my flaws and all. He lets me be me. He has a big heart, so honest and true. He calms my inner fears, making sure I'm always ok. I can feel the sincerity when he speaks...the classy, elegance when he talks. I keep thinking of how much I love talking to him, how much I love his laugh. He is such a spoiler, gives in to my requests. He's everything a woman would want in a guy ..oh wait he's not just a guy..he is a MAN! A man that is very gentle and sensitive. He has all the qualities that makes a man a real man.

Ang sarap niyang magmahal at mahalin...and hell yeah, I am so inlove with him! I constantly think of ways to make him smile. But then again, this love I feel for him is not 'owning'. Making him freakishly happy is my mission...

I love him without conditions...without reservations...without holding back...

I wonder what will happen when we finally be together and eventhough neither of us know what the future holds, I know one thing for sure ... He is the best thing that ever happened to me!

Ikaw...

2009-05-05T05:01:00.000-07:00

I am another year older today. Yes, birthday ko ngayon! Dati - rati it was just another day for me. Nothing special. Walang handa. Walang regalo. Usually greetings lang from friends and family ang nakukuha ko. But I don't feel bad about it. Ok lang. Ganun talaga. I am just thankful na God has given me another year. Pero today, iba! I am celebrating the happiest birthday ever! Ganun pa rin, walang handa, walang gimik but I have the most wonderful gift from above...Ikaw!

Ikaw na nagmamahal sa akin ng buong puso.
Ikaw na nagbibigay inspirasyon sa kin.
Ikaw na nagbibigay kulay sa dati kong black and white na mundo.
Ikaw na dahilan ng mga ngiti ko sa labi.
Ikaw na dahilan kung bakit gusto ko gumising sa madaling araw.
Ikaw na dahilan kung bakit gusto ko mag-diet.
Ikaw na dahilan kung bakit gusto ko magpa-rebond ng buhok.
Ikaw na handa akong gawin lahat para sa ikaliligaya mo.
Ikaw na dahilan ng taimtim kong pagdarasal para sa tuluyan mong paggaling.
Ikaw na dahilan ng pagiging malawak ng aking pang unawa.
Ikaw na dahilan ng mabilis na pagtibok ng puso ko, ng bawat kilig, ng lahat ng antisipasyon.
Ikaw na bigay ng maykapal.
Ikaw na lahat lahat sa buhay ko ngayon...at ikaw na dahilan ng pagsusulat kong muli.

Salamat mahal ko! Salamat sa ligayang dulot ng pagmamahal mo. Di mahalaga yung sasabihin ng iba, basta mahal kita. Wag ka ng mag-isip pa dahil handa akong tanggapin kung ano ka. Basta't para sayo ako'y magmamahal muli, handa akong masaktan kahit paulit-ulit. Masaktan man ako, di na mahalaga dahil di naman mapapantayan ang kaligayahan ko sa piling mo.

Ikaw ang aking mahal...
Ang panghabangbuhay kong kaibigan...
At sa bawat araw na nagdaraan, lalo lamang tumitindi ang pananabik kong mahalin ka ng lubos!

Leave me alone muna...

2008-12-09T19:00:00.000-08:00

yan na yata ang pinakamasakit na sinabi mo sakin... leave u alone??? ano ba nagawa ko? I just wanted to spend time with you. kasalanan ko ba if things are not working the way we expect them to be?? I know it's not pero you made me feel na kasalanan ko. you make me feel guilty. ang alam ko lang naman na kasalanan ko e mahalin ka.

you should've not asked me to be your girlfriend...regrets? yeah now I regret accepting your offer. hindi dahil nagsisisi ako kundi dahil sobra mo na kong nasasaktan. sabi ko sa sarili ko 'ok lang'...it's the same level of pain anyway...having you in this situation and not having you at all. at least with this, I can show you how much I feel for you and we both make each other happy pero habang tumatagal parang lamang na ang pain. sabi ko kaya ko. mindset lang. pinasok ko 'to na alam ko mula pa sa umpisa so dapat kaya kong harapin ang consequences.

nakikita ko naman ang effort mo, nararamdaman ko naman na mahal mo din ako. we look forward on so many things together pero di na yata mangyayarin yun. malabo ng mangyari. simpleng negatibong sitwasyon na hindi ko naman kasalanan, you pushed me away. to think na ang kabutihan mo pa ang lagi kong iniisip...i don't want you to get into any trouble. you almost got into a mess at ayokong mangyari ulit yun.

alam mong sa mga panahong ito, sa yo lang umiikot ang mundo ko. lahat ng ginagawa ko ay dahil sa inspirasyon na dulot mo. masaya ako sa 'yo. di ako humihingi ng sobra. kinakaya ko lahat. di ko alam kung hanggang kailan, hanggang saan. sabi ng isip ko ayoko na but my heart keeps on fighting for you. ang sakit isipin na you can easily push me away. wala lang pala ako sa'yo.

Tag ni Bloomiful

2008-11-25T00:38:00.000-08:00

10 True random things about me daw....ano ano nga ba?

1. In love pa rin ako sa taong ikakasal na...

2. I started working when I was 16, nag umpisa sa mga food chains (Jollibee, Mcd0, etc). Tapos lahat ng paging companies ( Easycall, Infopage, Index 152), working student kasi ako.

3. Nag OJT ako sa 97.1 DWLS FM, tagabasa ng newsflash and taga answer ng phonecalls.

4. I worked my way through college. Ako nagpaaral sa sarili ko kaya medyo matagal bago ako naka graduate pero that is something that I really am proud of.

5. Nakapunta na ako sa Davao, Cebu, Naga, Tuguegarao, Pangasinan, Pampanga, Baguio, Sagada, Boracay, Puerto Galera, at sa Penang, Malaysia. Courtesy ng dati kong trabaho.

6. Ako breadwinner samin kaya di pa rin ako nag-aasawa...hahaha!

7. I love kids. Sobra. Sumasama ako sa mga charity works na involve ang mga kids kasi wala naman akong maibibigay kundi time lang.

8. I have a big heart. Pag meron ako bigay lang ako ng bigay. Kaya lang nadi-disappoint ako minsan kasi pag ako na wala, wala akong makuhanan..ganun ata talaga..hahaha!

9. Di ako pihikan sa pagkain. Kahit ano kakainin ko basta edible.

10. Last but not the least..muka akong mataray pero sobrang bait ako hahaha...open minded ako. Mahaba ang patience and I always think of the positive side of the person even if he/she did me wrong. Hahanapan ko ng dahilan bakit nya nagawa.

So ayan, sorry bloomiful now lang ha. Love ya lil' sis!

Set me free, leave me be...

2008-11-15T22:48:00.000-08:00

Nagising akong disoriented na naman sa oras at panahon. Blanko ang isip ko. Ni hindi ko maalala kung ano ang huli kong ginawa. Ilang minuto rin ang lumipas bago ko naalala ang lahat.

Nag-umpisa na naman dumaloy ang luha sa aking mga mata. Ang hapdi na sobra ng mga mata ko. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pag-iyak. Ang sakit sakit sobra. Sabihin man ng lahat na OA na pero wala akong magawa. Kahit ako mismo pakiramdam ko OA na sobra. Pero ayaw pa rin tumigil ang mga matang to sa pagluha. Ilang sandali pa nakaramdam ako ng pananakit ng sikmura. Di pa pala ako kumakain simula kahapon. Naghilamos ako at tinignan ang sarili sa salamin. Mabuti na lang at sanay na ang mga magulang ko sa ganitong itsura ng mga mata ko. Hindi na nila ako uusisain kung bakit namamaga na naman ang mga ito.

Pinilit kong kumain kahit wala akong gana. Halos di ko malunok ang pagkain sa bibig ko. Kung pwede lang na hindi na kumain. Wala talaga akong gana.

Bakit ganito nararamdaman ko? Kahapon kasi ng mag online ako, nagulat ako ako sa nakita ko...offline messages at missed calls galing sa'yo. Sabi mo namimiss mo ako. Parang gripo ang pag agos ng luha sa aking mga mata. Niyakap ko ang akin unan at nahiga. Miss na miss na kita…

Napansin kong nagbblink ang cellphone ko kaya bumangon akong muli para tignan ang cellphone ko. Nung i-check ko, “3 missed calls” galing sayo. Bakit ka tumatawag? Assuming lang ba ako na namimiss mo na akong kausap?
Nag-usap tayo sandali. Inamin ko na rin ang ilang araw ko ng nararamdaman. Masama ang pakiramdam ko. Marami akong gustong sabihin sayo… my heart is bleeding everytime na kailangan kitang i-deny… Bakit ba mahal kita? Bakit ikaw pa?

Bakit kasi hindi puwede? Bakit kung kailan feeling ko na kaya ko na, na makakalimutan din kita, andyan ka na naman...something always brings me back to you.

Gusto ko ako ang nasa tabi mo…. gusto kitang laging nakakausap… gusto kitang makasama… gusto kitang mayakap… gusto kitang alagaan… gusto kitang pagsilbihan… marami akong gustong gawin para sayo… lahat para sayo… gagawing lahat para SA'YO.

Namiss kita sobra… Iisipin ko na lang na katabi kita habang natutulog ng mahimbing. Yayakapin na lang kita kahit sa isip ko lang hanggang sa makatulog na rin ako. Sana kahit malayo ako ay maramdaman mo ang mga yakap ko… Mahal na mahal kita…

You know I always wanna hold you close but it seems too impossible cuz you’re so far from me now… and all I can do is to just keep on imagining and dreaming that someday I can make you mine…. just mine…

Everyone worth knowing

2008-11-11T20:33:00.000-08:00

Currently, Im reading this interesting book -- Everyone Worth Knowing --written by the author of The Devil Wears Prada -- Lauren Weis Berger. Out of 1 to 10... I rate this book a 10 although it might not work for some people... but for women who are on their mid twenty's, career oriented and longing to be with their prince charming would certainly enjoy.

It talks about knowing people from all walks of life, how people from different world gets along... how somewhere along the way, that people you had a chance encounter with or people you had not noticed at all in the past, can be so much a part of your life years afterwards be it an a good and not so nice way.

Im a people person myself... I can talk with anyone about anything at any given time. I dont choose people who i talk with... (well given they are not so rude). And I will always be glad to flash the smile for you will never know how can it affect other people's lives...

And as said... "Smile and the world smiles back at you".

My golly, its for free anyway !

Pano kung dalawa sila?

2008-11-06T23:10:00.000-08:00

Miss ko na magsulat ng tagalog. Pero itong isusulat ko hindi para sa akin ( defensive agad ) para ito sa kaibigan ko na naguguluhan at humihingi ng payo dahil 'dalawa' daw ang kanyang mahal.

Ewan ko ba, ako ang lapitan ng mga kaibigan, kakilala pagdating sa pagbibigay ng payo. Kamukha ko ba si 'Ate Charo' ? Sabi nya, it seems like I know the right words to say ...shush may ganun? Nambola pa... Anyway, gusto ko syang batukan, di ko lang nagawa dahil nagmamadali ako nung kausap ko sya...

Sabi ko punta na lang sya sa blog ko at dun nya makikita ang makapag - damdaming payo ko sa kanya...( haba ng segway) hahaha!

Oh well, ganito lang yan...

No two things could occupy one space at the same time. Sabi nga sa science text book namin nung grade five.

Ampf, kakahanap ko nitong theory/principle/law na 'to, napadpad pa ko sa... Pauli Exclusion Principle. It states that no two identical fermions may occupy the same quantum state simultaneously. OHA OHA? Behold. Di ko naman gets. hahaha!

Hmmm... plus, you can't serve two masters. Putulin na natin dun sa masters, 'wag nang dugtungan pa ng at the same time. You just can't! Kasi mamaya, may schedules ka pang iimbentuhin.

If you got your heart confused, don't blame love. Blame yourself. I'm sure you got yourself confused with love and infatuation and attraction. Of course, you may feel love for both parties, but the amount of love you give? It's never the same. Alam na alam ko 'to, kakagaling ko lang sa ganitong sitwasyon. Well, the amount of love you get creates more confusion though.

There has to be one who wins the race.

For sure, you got yourself gratified by the idea that there are two great woman by your side, both ready to offer everything. It feels so damn good, you feel like you're the center of the universe. You just won't let go. But you are only one, and you're just not enough for two.

Are you so great? What do you have to offer them both that won't make them need more?
You're not God! Unless you're Agent Smith in the matrix.

So, come on, don't be selfish. Don't be greedy.

Hurting one is enough. Don't hurt them both by giving them both the feeling of anticipation. If you're gonna hurt them both, make sure it's because you shut the door right into their faces. A not so no-man-is-an-island decision to make though.

All you have to do is choose.

Just like when you choose a great meal from the menu. When you choose from ravishingly good desserts. Confusing, but you still end up choosing one for that particular meal. What's so common about choosing, though not all times, is that.. you choose what you want more and what's good for you. Whatever your reasons are for choosing what you ended up wanting, up to you, your life. Though it's advisable that you choose what you want and need and what's good for you. Stand by your decision and don't put yourself in the same state of confusion again, it defeats the purpose of choosing.

So again, choose.

Bumpers

2008-11-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

Don't ask me but there are times us, women, do tend to complain too much. Too fat. Boobs too big. I, for one, have this bout of complaining about not finding men whom I am attracted to. Hahaha!

Therefore, I am not an exception to my race. It's a favorite pastime, I guess, especially for us women. We feel like we're this darn primadonna who is God's gift to men and we don't have an ounce of flaw in our body. That we should be perfect! So in the end, we tend to be too harsh on ourselves.

I used to be harsh on myself. That is, until I learned that the world reflects how I see it. Meaning, " Shit happens", "if I give it shit, it gives me back shit"! As simple as that. My moods affect the way I see my world.

The way I see my world, affects the way I am.

So it naturally surprises me when I read something from somebody of the same tribe as I am who starts to criticize her own body. Why do some women is so problematic much about their boobs?

Okay, I dont have big boobs. And I dont have a small one either. I have ample (as I've been told).. and I'm not going to say what my size either (so you guys can all breathe now haha!).
I've never had issue with it people maybe because it's not just plain errrr noticeable? Even if I wear plunging necklines, or low neck tops I've never had issue with men not respecting me. Not that I know of so far.

Men would of course be eternally fascinated with women's boobs because they are flat-chested! It's the eternal longing for something that you don't have. Maybe if men started growing boobs, they would have nothing else to do all day but to fondle them. At least for the first few days until they get used to it.

They don't have boobs but it occupies about 80% of their brains. Look at what they do with their pen*ses! So maybe it's a good thing they don't have bigger boobs, that way they still get most of their work done.

Besides, how can you distinguish the males from the females if everybody has bumps on their chests? Do we start touching even mere acquaintances below their belts? Oopsie! Got bumps, you're male! It's flat! You're female. So, thank God for boobs!

A friend of mine mentioned that when men look at a woman in bikini, it's not just the boobs that make her attractive. It's more of the aura of self-confidence that she exudes. And according to him, that's what they find sexiest in a woman.

Therefore, confidence in a woman is even better than boobs.

Defining 'Space'

2008-11-04T19:19:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been hearing break ups from friends and officemates which is quite unreasonable. Not that I didnt have any previous relationships or whatsoever (Im just currently on seeing friends right now)... the main reason for the break ups is the other party asking for "space"...

WTF is that for??!!

This "space" for me is good as breaking up. Not seeing your partner for weeks or for a month just because of busy work schedule wherein fact you arent oceans apart is just B*llsh*t . It's unfair for the other party to just sit there and wait while waiting for the partner to bounce back from the "space" he has been asking for.

What I'm annoyed about is though, people cling to that kind of relationship. Like it's the bloody end of the world and no one will take them as they are but the truth is they even deserve more!
(See, I have learned from experience )hehehe!

No one deserves to be an option or to be a reserve.

Monday Rain

2008-11-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

Last time I was in the rain, I was crying... and now I'm singing!

I'm beginning to learn to trust again... it feels good when you start learning to trust people, no pretentions -- saying what you want to say, be as you are.. and still that person cares for you. I haven't felt this way for quite sometime and it's really nice. For the past few days I don't appreciate love songs, so most of the bit in my Nano is usually upbeat songs and stuff because I try not to be sad about the past. And it's good singing love songs now.. I smile for no reason (I must be getting crazy lol), friends notice that my eyes twinkles, inspite of my lack of sleep... I just feel I'm happier now and more at peace.

Moreover, Im enjoying life as it is... he lets me be. I can talk with people, do other bits, be with friends... it's like there's no pressure at all. But of course, there won't be any expectations as well.

I'm just basically happy now. Trusting other people again, would mean I'm learning to trust myself as well... which is the most of important thing. I didnt expect that I will feel this way after all the dramas... but you know how life is... just like gravity... when you are down there's no other way but to go up.

Or so i thought...

Naughty thoughts

2008-11-01T02:12:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio on my way to a friend's house few days back. The DJ's, Mo Twister and Mojo Jojo had an interesting discussion.

It touched on the subject of body tattoo as starter. Both of them agreed that it would be exciting to date women with tattoos but would not want their wives to be living art canvasses. Same opinion applied to body piercings. While at it, the topic shifted to men with body piercings down under or what they call intimate piercings. They said the piercings supposedly heighten $exual pleasure.

For the same reason, men surgically insert "bolitas" or pellets ( now, I would look at pellets for toy guns in a different way ) just under the skin along their shafts. The men reportedly experienced an increase in $exual stimulation like having a hand playing with them at the same time they move in and out.

As for the women, they said it resulted to greater $exual satisfaction too. While they were discussing it, the mental image that came to my mind was that of a corn cob with few remaining kernels still attached to it .

Now, I wonder how it would look like in flaccid state, a limp shaft with "kulugo" (big warts)???

X's:

Ganito ba yun?
Now lang ako nakahanap ng picture eh! hahahaha!

Drama is over...

2008-10-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

Hello world!

Do I sound like a schizo or wot? For awhile I was having my drama, and now I quite feel alright. Gawd, I just realized no matter how much I whine... nothing will change. It's nice to sulk though for a bit... letting the pain linger for a moment -- yeh, sounds masochist.. oh well... hahaha!

Plus I guess, when it's over, it's over!
I gotta give a chance to others! (cheeky)
Anyway, Im looking forward to meeting up with my witches this week... gotta party!dun make me drunk though... we got a guest, he might take a bite...hahaha!

Shucks nababaliw na naman ako...Im not myself na naman..can somebody call a shrink?!

Anyway, hope everybody's doing okay.
Enjoy and have a safe weekend!

Happy Halloween!

'til next time...

2008-10-28T23:51:00.000-07:00

Im annoyed, sad or more of like on emotional turmoil.

Losing a friend is like losing a gf, actually worst than that. It feels sh*tty. I dunno if I will still hang on to the friendship afterall what happened. Counting the years and what we have been through - I've been very much affected by the changes. And I hate the feeling, because I know I have done nothing wrong. I just hate the fact that I'm being ignored - since I thought we already made up. I said I was sorry and reached out to you and it's still the same thing.

Last nite, I saw you there. Wow, how ironic you greeted everyone, and actually ignored me. I can still feel the coldness and distant you. I guess Im sort of a "posessive" friend. But you know me. I would like to think I have grown up and got over that feeling. People need space in order to grow and I have given you that.

I dont hold grudges. I guess you know, you cant please all. Though we havent been really on speaking terms the past few months, I will still miss you. I will miss how we started, I will miss "US". But I guess I would rather go now, than turn this feeling into something else. I hate how it is affecting me, and I feel uneasy all this time and wasnt able to sleep last nite as the conversation keeps on rolling in my head. No matter how much you say there's nothing wrong, I know there is and we will never bring back what we had before. I know you've got better and good friends, company who will sure keep you, who will understand and "dig" you more. I know they will take care of you. I've been a witness to that. And me? I dont think I mean anything to some of them. Im just me, afterall. I guess I wont be one of them anymore. It will hurt me, but I will be okay. Ohhh you know me, I will be alright. Just give me time.

Too bad that we will still bump into each other, in some circumstances we cant avoid. But as much as I can, I will try to avoid events and gatherings where I will see you, I think it's better that way.

Thanks for all the years of happiness and tears. For all the beers we drunk, and for all the songs we sang. You wont be forgotten, ever. And just incase one day, you will need me, I will still be here.

NOTE: Ooppps this is not about me. This letter is for my 'angel' friend. I made him this letter for I know this is how he feels towards his friend.(Pakelaman ko ba?) hahahaha!

Just another drama

2008-10-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

I met up with my ex last night.

You know my ever infamous ex.

I received a text from him that he is in Manila, quite vague of what he was leading to. I told him I had a meeting somewhere near him that day and he invited me to have dinner.

It was odd seeing him at first.

My Gawd, he looked fit and indeed I must say that being away from me -- from each other made him look better, and healthier.

When he initially saw me, he held me tight and there were tears in his eyes. While we were walking and talking, he would stop once in awhile and hug me tight -- his eyes swelling. I thought it was "sissy" at first... but then again, I realized it has been almost a month -- our separation was nasty and I guess having shared memories of almost a year together wont just fade away.

He said, I lost a lot of weight. I said thanks... that was my aim -- for before he would always call me fatty. He said that he's not quite sure if it fits me... he missed the bubbly and rosy cheeks I had.

Going back to Makati where we used to spend a lot of time together brought down memories... and it was the same feeling for him. I had never been back to the place much, since I relocated or even if I will, I make it to a point that I wouldnt pass where we used to walk, talk and quarrel... it was just all too painful for me.

We updated and talked about what happened to us the past few weeks... I told him Ive been busy with work and been seeing friends. He asked me if Im still single -- I replied, yes. I mean, its hard to find someone again, who I am comfortable with -- can fully accept how silly, playful and boisterous I am at times.

We spent a lot of time together... until I said... "Can we pretend that its just like the old times? That we are happy? No hassle and all just in the spirit of fun?" For we used to quarrel a lot because we were both jealous most of the time.

I thought I was okay. That was indeed I was feeling that's why I agreed seeing him again. When we parted ways, there I felt the pain... how can something that makes us happy can be so wrong? Or is it because I just miss being with someone and he was there?

I cried. I know things will never work for us no matter what. We have different wants, and different plans.

Im giving myself a week more to get over this feeling. For I know it will never be us, and we will just have to carry on living our lives separately.

Pseudo - relationships

2008-10-24T04:41:00.000-07:00

The "he is your BF, but isnt" stage. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. There could be a verbal agreement, or none. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possibly not. You just let your gestures do the talking. No formal courtship occurred. And you arent couplets. But with your action and words, it seems like you guys are couple, but not quite.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, you dont want to commit with each other at the moment.

It can also happen before a relationship, like testing the waters. Possible that you dont want to have a serious relationship so that's why you are trying things. Could be it's because you guys cant be together --usually the guy -- is involved with another. That's why while you guys are seeing each other, there wont be any relationship at all - so there wont be any guilt feelings, because it's not "YOU" guys.

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Especially when you are looking for a "playmate". But dont expect that it could lead into something serious because there's no assurance that there is.

So why do people settle for this kind of set up, when there's no assurance?

People have different reasons. Could be for fun. Could be for the reason like "better than nothing". Meaning, while the "real thing" hasnt come along, they will just settle for that.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "overwhelming" feeling.

I admit at one point I was in that phase. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization was, "better than nothing".

For me it's more for the "overwhelming" feeling. Someone who will ask me "how was my day?". Some to cuddle and to be sweet with during out of town trips. It's when your mobile "beeps", I will be smiling because I know it's him. While there's no "real" thing yet. This will be okay.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, it's always the woman who is on the losing side.

First, you cannot ask a person to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. You arent his gf anyway.

Second, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Maybe you are assuming that he loves you too. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. It might be shameful on your part. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.
Third, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Another downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, you dont know where you stand in a pseudo-relationship. No attachment. Because in a pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." It's just "you and me," and not "us."

I wish that it will just be pseudo-pain that you will feel. But of course not. It's real pain. And usually, even if a pseudo-relationship ended, you cannot avoid to hope that one day, it will be you and that person. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else. It's hard. You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process. You can actualy try to avoid the pain. And not think of the future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, you have to choose. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

The bottom line is, do what makes you happy. Just prepare yourself with the consequences. Because this kind of relationship isnt the fairytale type. And it usually ends there..... almost, but not quite.

Brown cow

2008-10-22T22:31:00.000-07:00

Nung bata pa ako, lagi akong tinutukso na "negra" or "baluga" kasi maitim ako...

Hindi ko alam kung ano at paano nangyari. I was actually born with a fair complexion then eventually became "tan" (yes, im putting it in a nice way) hahahaha!

Nakakainis, I hated it! In a country like Philippines where most people are brown, people with fair complexion are usually more accepted and more liked.

I tried all sorts... from whitening lotion to whitening soaps... lahat na ginawa ko, it didn't work. Kung may pera nga lang talaga magpapa bleach ako eh. I remember my mom would always tell me that people from the West would die to have my brown skin, but I didn't listen. And I was getting big time frustrated.

Just this lately, I have learned to appreciate my own color. I have learned that there are some people dying from skin cancer just to have it. I have learned to live with it, and embrace it...
I am actually more comfortable with it now... I don't really care what other people think.

I just realized that being brown is beautiful!

Saying 'I love you' is easy

2008-10-19T22:03:00.001-07:00

I'm a bit annoyed with things... well, I will try not to be affected...

But tell me, can you honestly tell someone that you love him/her after just a series of chats? Alright, after several weeks of chatting. I don't suppose it can be called love straight-away.
I think it's more of "like" than love. Infatuations are for teenagers.

Saying I love you is easy, the truth to the matter is its the most over used, underrated phrase. But proving it otherwise is a different story.

Anyway, after he said that, I don't honestly believe that's how he felt (which I think I'm very much entitled to my own opinion and told him how I feel about things). Now, I'm like the one being accused of not trusting him. And now he doesnt talk to me... Talk about turning the tables! Gawd! I'm beginning to think that SOME men can be really good at it. Or is just me? Am I really that obvious? That I'm vulnerable and some men could think I'm that easy? Well, I'm telling you this now... you are soooo wrong!

I think I'm getting across with wrong men they all know how to emotionally beat me or am I just too nice?... but you know... I've been through crap and this one is no different for me...
I think I have surpassed, or still trying to surpass whatever it is that happened in the past.

I just came from a drama, a soap opera drama -- and I want some rest from it. Not that all I'm looking for is all happiness and good times... I just think I should be spared from this, especially in a getting-to-know-you relationship because I cannot handle it.

If you dont want to talk to me, fine! Just spare me the stress.

Haward!

2008-10-19T20:31:00.000-07:00

Grabe first time kong makatanggap nito. Ganito pala ang feeling ...asus! Salamat Turones!

Friendly pala ako ...nyahahaha!

Oh well pinapasa ko ang haward na ito sa mga friendly friends ko na sina:

Abou ng Basta
Madjik ng Magicsaucer
Ever ng Pamatay Homesick
Onatsdonats ng Pakikipagsapalaran ng Tirador ng Kaning Lamig

Thank you all guys for being such a good blogger friend. You guys are awesome!

Hardest things to do...

2008-10-17T17:33:00.000-07:00

**Love secretly...

**Realize that the person who helped you to step out of a painful experience only lead you to a more painful one..

**Keep quiet when you have loads of things to say...

**Say no when you means YES and say yes when you mean NO...

**Hold back your emotions...

**Think of a reason why good things never last...

**Leave when you want to stay...

**Laugh when you feel like crying...

**Miss someone who is just around...

Guys? anything you can add up to the list? Feel free to do so...

Kisses and Hugs to you Ron!

2008-10-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

Woooooooooowwwwwwwwwww! This is so overwhelming and touching. Ang ganda naman nito Ron...I know pinaghirapan at pinagpuyatan mo ito and I cannot thank you enough!

There's nobody like you my friend. And since ayaw mong magpabayad, I wanted to do something special to thank you and I thought a short poem would be a good way to say so...

You are a person of wit and charm
With tender care, you added comfort and warmth
Your friendship has become a part of my world now
It has its special place, within my being, life and in my heart

Guys and gals, visit the cool blog of this friend of mine here and get a taste of a yummy turon!

Wish List

2008-10-15T21:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Somebody up there who likes me,

I’m sick and tired of dating aimlessly. From hereon, can we please work on getting me a serious, loving, and long-term relationship?

I read somewhere that in order to get what you want, you have to know what you want. There’s this list I want to share which I made about how I picture my ideal man.

1. Single (No GF and definitely not married)
2. Taller than me (I’m around 5’2”).
3. Handsome in his own special, unique way.
4. Good sense of timing.
5. Smart.

6. Good sense of humor.
7. Sweet.
8. Knows how to cook.
9. Loyal.
10. Someone who can surprise me.

11. Huggable.
12. Someone who will take care of me and I will feel safe and loved when Im with him.
13. Potential good Lamaze coach.
14. Secure enough to let me keep my maiden name after we’re married.

Hmm...looks like a handful. No wonder I’m confused.
Never mind the list!

In simpler terms, help me find a good man who can make me laugh. The rest is negotiable.

Love,

Toni

P.S. I hope he finds me before I expire. ( Baka magsara na eh) hahahahaha!

...

What's wrong with #2?

2008-10-14T17:25:00.000-07:00

Ano nga ba?
Bakit?
Dahil ba 2nd best, 2nd option, runner up, silver lang?
Masakit bang malaman na pangalawa ka lang? Na merong MAS magaling, maganda, matalino, mayaman at PINAKA sa lahat eh may mas nauna na sa iyo...

Nahuli ka ng dating! Kung gusto mo pa ring sumakay. Wala kang choice kundi umupo sa backseat.

May mga taong tanggap at ok lang sa kanilang maging #2. Katwiran nila, mabuti ng #2, kesa #3 or #4. Sila yung tinatawag na martir! Kahit alam na nila ang sitwasyon, they still settle for it. Kahit pa madaming bawal. Bawal mag-demand, bawal magselos, may schedule ang date, pati na ang calling at texting may oras at dapat maingat. Sila yung tanggap lang ng tanggap kung anong kayang ibigay ng taong mahal nila. No questions asked.

They think that it's the same level of pain anyway. Having the person they love or not having 'em at all.
Nakakawala ng respeto sa sarili you might say but can we blame 'em? I actually do admire those people because it only shows that they have so much love to offer. They can love unselfishly and not ask much in return.

Bakit ko alam? For one, I had experienced it (kaya naman pala) hahaha! But seriously may mga kaibigan din ako who had experienced the same thing. Bittersweet yes, but it was worth it.

I know it ain't right pero hangga't may mga taong hindi faithful at mga taong nagpapaka martir or shall I say settling to be just the 2nd choice, there'd always be #2.

If you are or would be on that situation, ask yourself first...

Is he or she worth the pain and risk?

"Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng isang tao,

lalo na kung hindi ikaw ang yung bida sa script na pinili nya..."

Bangag

2008-10-10T19:39:00.000-07:00

Ganyan ako nitong mga nakaraang araw.
Naglalakad ng nakalutang ang isip.
Wala sa sarili.
Blangko ang utak.

Wala naman akong tinirang gamot. Panggabi kasi ako at nagti-train sa bago kong trabaho. Ang hirap palang mag-adjust. Hindi ko ma-absorb at ma-digest yung sinasabi ng trainor. Minsan nakaidlip ako eh bawal na bawal yun. Nahuli ako ng matabang masungit na trainor, pinag-initan na ako at lagi na akong tinatawag pag may recitations. Buti na lang meron pa ako nung tinatawag nilang 'common sense' at yun ang gumagana pag natatawag ako. Mabilis ding umiikot ang mata ko sa mga mababait kong co-trainees at naisesenyas nila sakin ang sagot at thank God marunong din akong mag 'lip read'. Naiintindihan ko ang mga sinasabi nila kahit walang boses na lumalabas sa kanilang mga bibig. Minus big points kasi sa assesment pag di ka nakasagot.

Sabi nila sanayan lang daw. Pero ewan ko, hirap na hirap ako. Hindi rin tumatalab sakin yung mga energy drink. Pag uminom ako, ang epekto pag uwian na saka ako gising na gising at hyper. At syempre pa mahihirapan na akong makatulog. Dagdagan pa ng mga taong isip ng isip sakin (feeling ...nyahahaha) , kaya ayan ang kinalabasan, kulang sa tulog, wala sa ayos!

Sabi ng isang kaibigan, samahan nya daw ako sa clinic at magpareseta ng 'sleeping pills'. Sagot ko, pag ganitong 'heartbroken' ako eh baka tirahin ko lahat at gustuhin ng di magising. Natakot ata at gatas na lang daw inumin ko. At syempre pa meron ding nagpayo na magbilang daw ako ng walang kamatayang mga tupa. Hindi rin epektib.

Ewan ko. Okey lang sigurong gising at kulang sa tulog, maglakad ng parang laging may tama, lumulutang ang isip kahit pa wala sa ayos...
Kasi darating ang panahon na wala na tayong gagawin kundi forever matulog...

Tingin niyo?

Putting up a wall or jumping in?

2008-10-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

Pagkatapos ng pagkarami- rami mong experiences sa pag-ibig, naging maganda man o hindi, bigo man o naging winner ka, I know you have asked yourself firsthand whether to put up a wall or take a chance on it.

Ano ba talaga ang dapat?

Siguro sa mga taong paulit-ulit na nabibigo at nasasaktan, sila yung mga taong takot na. Sila ang naglalagay ng 'wall'. Sila ang mga taong naging manhid, dense, bato at nagkaroon ng sobra sobrang fears. Sila yung mga taong sinasara na ang mga puso at dedma na ang emosyon. At kung meron mang natitira pang kahit konting emosyon o pagtingin eh pilit tinatago at pinipigilan bago pa maging malalim. Hindi ko sila masisi. Sino ba ang gustong makaranas ng madalas na failed relationships, ng paulit-ulit na rejections??

Pero hindi naman lahat eh ganyan, there are people who take things positively. Kahit na yung hindi masyadong magandang pangyayari sa buhay nila eh hahanapan at hahanapan pa rin ng dahilan ng magandang rason kung bakit hindi naging maganda ang ending.
Pains and heartaches made these people strong. And these people also think that they have already learned and the next time they would fall, they'd know what to do...

Oh well, that's what I thought. Kabilang ako sa mga taong yun. Kala ko, I already know better. Kala ko, I've already learned what buttons to push. Hindi pala ganun kadali yun lalo na pag andun ka na sa sitwasyon. Magbabago at magbabago ang views mo. Kahit anong intindi mo sa tama, pinipili mo pa ring maging mali!

Again, I have proof that I just need to quit jumping. I have many reasons to stay afraid of getting hurt because I jumped and now I am crying about it!

Paano ko ba mababago to? May formula ba? May scientific calculation ba?

Sabi nila, it’s as much about the journey as it is the destination. Alam ko naman yun, but the thing that scares me is that there is no real destination for me.
Meron kaya?

Sometimes when someone ask us to stay, we feel important.But then at the back of our mind, we ask ourselves...Are we wanted or just needed?

Suko na.

2008-10-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

Lakas ng ulan, lakas ng hangin, kinakalabog ang bintana namin. Parang di titigil at matatagalan pa bago sumikat ang araw. Pag ganitong mga panahon ang sarap matulog, sarap magmuni muni lang sa bahay, magbasa ng magazines,books, o kaya mag dvdiathon.
Pero bakit iba ang gusto kong gawin? Gusto ko lang umiyak ng umiyak. Ibuhos lahat ng sama ng loob at sakit sa dibdib kasabay ng ulan. Mas maganda siguro kung lalabas ako at magtatampisaw sa ulan kasabay ng aking pag-iyak para walang makakita sa aking pagdadalamhati.
Pero bakit nga ba ako iiyak? Akala ko ba kaya ko? Sabi ko pipilitin kong kayanin.
Madaling sabihin. Mahirap gawin
Ginawa ko lang naman ang nararapat, ang sinasabi nilang tama. Sinunod ko na ang isip ko. Pero bakit ang sakit sakit? Bakit parang gusto kong bawiin lahat ng sinabi ko? Parang ok lang kahit sabihan niyo akong tanga. Ok lang basta't andyan uli sya.

Sana may gamot para dito, yung isang inuman lang, wala akong pakelam kung kapsula man o tableta basta yung makakatulog ka at paggising mo wala na lahat ang sakit.

Nakakapagod. Nakakasawa. Ayoko na. Hindi na lang ulit.

Sweet Misery

2008-09-29T03:16:00.000-07:00

Nagsimula sa simpleng pag-uusap. Isang magandang pagkakaibigan ang namuo sa ating dalawa. Una pa lang naging tapat ka na sa akin. Sinabi mo na may nagmamay-ari na ng iyong puso. In fact, you are already engaged. Tanggap ko ito at di na umasa pang may posibleng mangyari sa atin beyond friendship.

Pero iba ka. Everyday I get to like you more. We can talk about even the nonsense things in the world and still end up laughing. We can talk for hours and hours without boring each other.

Yun yata ang sinasabi nilang 'connection'. Everyday I look forward to talking to you. You squeeze the thoughts in my head. With you, there are no dull moments. Your everyday 'sms' delights me. You inspire and bring out the best in me. I wanna look good everyday kahit na di mo naman ako nakikita.

Gusto kong isipin na may pagtingin ka rin sakin but I was also thinking na you were just being nice and polite.

Until that day you asked me to be your 'girlfriend'.
Tama ba yung narinig ko?
You wanted me to be your girlfriend.
I got confused. Sinasabi ng utak ko, mali! Hindi tama! Pero tumatalon naman ang puso ko sa tuwa.
Tinanong mo kung ok lang at tanggap ko ang sitwasyon.Ok? Kailan pa naging ok yun? It's just not damn fair!Sabi yun ng utak ko. Mali! Hindi tama! Unfair!

Pero eto ako ngayon, my heart ruled over my head. Tinanggap ko. I am now your girlfriend. Sabi ko I can love unconditionally, yung walang ini-expect in return. I am ready for the consequences. Kung ano lang ang kaya mong ibigay, ayos lang.

Masaya ba ako? Yes I am. Pero hanggang kailan?

Call me fool, call me whatever you want. I don't really care. Basta alam ko mahal kita at I won't get tired of showing and letting you know about it. Kahit sa sandaling panahon lang, kahit sa pansamantalang pagkakataon lang.

Next month na ang kasal mo. Paano na ako? Iiwan mo na ba ako?
Anuman ang maging desisyon mo, I am ready for it.
Kaya ko. Kakayanin ko.

I know I cannot make someone love me forever, all I can do is love that someone with all my heart...
The rest is up to the person to realize my worth...

Loving is not owning

2008-09-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

mahal kita
kahit alam kong ikakasal ka na
di ko alam kung panong nangyari,
pag-ibig kong ito'y umusbong ng walang sabi sabi

mahal mo ako, mahal mo sya
puso ba'y puwedeng magmahal sa dalawa?
sa puso mo'y sya ang una
tanggap ko ito mula pa sa umpisa

ikaw man ang buhay ko
ako ay handang magsakripisyo para sa ikaliligaya mo

alam kong di mo gusto na ako'y saktan
pag-ibig nati'y gusto mo ring pagbigyan
bakit ba naging huli ang lahat?
mga mata ko'y pilit minumulat

ito man ay mali
naging maligaya ako sa bawat sandali
konting pagtingin na sa aki'y ibinigay
aking alalahanin habambuhay

I was looking at the waves and thinking…

2008-09-14T23:32:00.000-07:00

Been to Manila Bay and I was looking at the waves and thinking that despite the chaos of the moment I was happy. You see my life had been in quite a bit of turmoil for the past few weeks and the ocean was just what I needed. It reminded me that amidst life’s storms there is a certain order to life, an ebb and a flow. Right now was a moment that just like a wave would be gone in but a moment. I realized that it is important to enjoy the rough times as well as the smooth; otherwise, life would be simply a sand dune instead of a beach. I was happy and that was all that mattered because despite what had occurred I know that how I responded to the moment was more important that the moment itself. I cannot change the ocean in life but I can ride the waves. There will be moments when I am on top and there will be moments when I will be crushed, but as long as I come up for air and breathe…just breathe, then I know that life will go on.

I will be happy because I made my mind up long ago that I choose to live life and not to let life live me.

I am done waiting and so I breathe…just breathe.

I am still breathing and that some days breathing is all that matters.

Palpak...lagi na lang

2008-09-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

Everywhere I'm turning, nothing seems complete. I stand up and I'm searching for the better part of me...

Mula pa nung maliit ako, nagtataka ako kung bakit lagi na lang akong naiiba? Minsan, nagbigayan ng free booklet, lahat ng kaklase ko kulay asul ang sa kanila, pagdating sakin...berde...bakit? Nagkataon lang ba yun? Sinadya? O sadyang pinaglalaruan ako ng mga pangyayari.

Makulay ang buhay ko, sabi nga dun sa komersyal parang 'gulay'. Di ko kilala ang tunay kong ama. Akala ko ang nanay ko kapatid ko, ate ko. Lumaki ako sa mga lola ko. Nung kinder ako, iba apelyido ko. Nung nag elementarya ako, nag-iba ulet. Nakakalito. Pero di na ako nagtanong. Para ano pa di ba? Kung iniwan ako ng ama ko, isa lang ibig sabihin nun, ayaw nya sakin. Bakit ko ipipilit ang sarili ko? Kung may pagtingin sya sakin bilang anak , sana inalam man lang nya kung anong naging buhay ko.

Palpak? Ganun na lang ako palagi. Sa pagpili ng kurso, sa mga napapasukang trabaho, sa mga kaibigan at ano pa nga ba pati sa pagpili ng lalaking mamahalin. Yung gusto ko, di na puwede, meron ng may-ari ng puso nya. Wala na akong ginawang tama. Masyado ng marami ang mali ko.Madalas. Paulit-ulit.

Sabi nila, sa kahit anong problema ,isang tao lang ang makakatulong sa'yo - yun ay ang sarili mo! Bilangin ko daw ang mga biyayang natatanggap ko. Bigyang pansin ang mga taong nagmamahal sakin. Sa ganung paraan, mararamdaman kong 'blessed' ako. Alam ko naman yun.

Pagdating sa pamilya ako, alam kong mapalad ako. Pero may kulang. Parang isang 'puzzle' na kulang ng mga piraso na hindi mabuo-buo. Hungkag ang pakiramdam ko.

Meron din 'daw' taong nakalaan para sakin, hintayin ko lang. Maghintay? Hanggang kailan? Ano bang kulang? May itsura naman ako. Madaming nagsasabi may talino din naman. Di naman mabaho hininga ko. Sabi ng isang kaibigan, siguro naligaw lang ang prinsipe ko at hindi mahanap ang daan patungo sakin,'kalokohan un'! Di ko naman kailangan ng isang prinsipe. Simple lang naman ang gusto ko, ung lalaking mamahalin ko at mamahalin din ako.

Ang daming kulang na piraso sa 'puzzle' ng buhay ko. Minsan sinabi ko rin sa sarili ko, 'I don't need another half to make me whole' . Hindi pala ganun ang buhay. Gusto ko naman maranasan na maging 'BUO' kahit minsan lang...

Kailan kaya yun?

Selos?

2008-08-18T21:04:00.000-07:00

Why do we fall for someone who isn’t really for us? Should we blame ourselves for falling with the wrong one? Or should we blame the one we fell in love because he made us feel that they’re the right one?

Ano ba itong nararamdaman ko? Hindi ko ito gusto. Bakit nasasaktan ako ngayon na alam kung may iba ka ng kinakausap? Ano ba kita? Alam ko hindi naman tayo…Sinabi ko pa nga sa’yo na parang kapatid na ang tingin ko sa’yo…na ‘kuya’ kita pero bakit ang sakit sakit? Ako pa ang nagpakilala sa inyo…sabi ko sa sarili ko bagay kayo…na kailangan mo na ring maging masaya. Marami ka ng pagsubok na pinagdaanan at ang puso mo’y maraming beses na ring nasaktan. Sabi mo sa’kin takot kang sumubok muli sa isa pang posibleng relasyon pero sa kanya nagbago lahat yun at handa kang sumugal.

Oo, masakit! Pero para sa’yo kakayanin ko. Hindi ako lalayo para kalimutan ka. Mas masarap isipin na masaya ang mahal mo sa piling ng iba kesa naman nasa iyo ngunit hindi naman sya maligaya. Sabi nga nila, ‘pag handa ka na magmahal, dapat handa ka na ring masaktan’ . Masarap magmahal. Masakit masaktan.

Nandito pa rin ako kahit na wala na akong magawa kundi huminga sa ‘king bibig sa bigat ng aking nararamdaman. Alam ko lilipas din ito at matatangap sa mga darating na mga araw na hindi tayo para sa isa’t isa.

Fears and Rejections

2008-08-15T03:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid tell to someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart... but if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own.... when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? What we don't know, afraid of what others will think afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie.... the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to Look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had. No one waits forever...

Paano ko ba sisimulan?

2008-08-15T01:53:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano ko sisimulan.Ang hirap mag-isip pag ganitong hindi mo alam kung anong una mong gagawin.Hindi ako maka-focus sa gusto kong isulat. Una, dahil nasa trabaho ako...ring dito, ring doon ang mga telepono, samahan pa ng pamaya't mayang sigaw ng amo ko. Gusto ko sanang maging maganda ang simula ng blog na ito. Pero paano ko gagawin?

Siguro dapat ko munang pasalamatan ang taong nagbigay ng inspirasyon sakin para simulan ang blog na ito. Masarap nga namang meron kang napapagbuhusan ng nararamdaman mo sa araw-araw na pahirap sa buhay kahit man lang sa pagta-type sa kompyuter ng iyong mga saloobin. Para ka na ring may kaibigan na napapagdaingan ng mga hinaing mo sa buhay. Di ko naman sinasabi na puro sama ng loob ang isusulat ko. Meron rin namang masaya at nakakapagpagaan ng pakiramdam.

Kaya sa taong nagbigay sakin ng inspirasyon, ikaw yun Roland - salamat! Akalain mong hindi man lang kita personal na kakilala pero 'you have moved me' - naks. Sa totoo lang ang hirap gawin ito ng purong tagalog kaya ita-taglish ko na lang. Hindi na kinaya ng powers ko, pasensya na.Kita nyo naman first 2 paragraphs purong tagalog pero kumbaga sa mga nahihirapang mag-english...nagdudugo na ang ilong ko. Mahirap din pala.